Relying On My Own Strength

The Human Exoskeleton

The human experience is quite a challenge for most of us.  The world can be harsh and cruel.  It often seems we need a way to protect ourselves from being swallowed up by the cruelty of others, the suffering around us, and the broader consequences of a fallen paradise.  If you’ve been a believer for a while, you’ve probably seen that the church can mimic the world with gossip, hidden agendas, power plays, misunderstandings, and an inability to engage in conflict resolution. We optimistically believe the body of Christ to be a safe place where we can let down our guard, and it should be.  But we are all works in progress, and often we don’t treat our brothers and sisters with the same grace God has given us. 

I like to think of our personalities as an outer shell, an emotional exoskeleton if you will, that helps us cope with the harsh realities of life. However, that exoskeleton, which is valuable for protecting us in this harsh world, can hinder our quest for a deeper, more intimate walk with God and others.

Think of how we cope with the world: work harder, make better decisions, be careful how you frame that argument, stay away from that person, we should never let that happen again, and on and on.  These statements all reflect the ideas of self-preservation, personal effort, and what we can do to look good, be successful, and gain the approval of others without getting hurt along the way.

When this mindset carries over into our walk with God, we make the mistake of trying to relate to God through our “false self” or exoskeleton and may completely miss him.  Remember that God is spirit, and we worship and interact with him in spirit and truth, not through false representations or exoskeletons.  When relating to God the same way we interact with the world, we can tend to use the same methods: look good, be good, act right, etc.  This takes us right back to the law and bypasses spiritual communion with the one who loves us.  So naturally, we fall into a works-based system of righteousness, such as:

• The 10 steps to be a ‘good’ Christian
• A new formula for spiritual maturity
• My church needs me to do this
• It’s what is expected of a good Christian

Lest I be misunderstood, I am not suggesting we foster two separate personalities, one we present to the world, and the other reserved for the Father. I am, however, recommending what Paul said,

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:23

Paul speaks of an integrated human experience, but it does require wisdom and discernment as we engage with the world. 

Riding The Carousel Without The Joy

Many years ago, the Lord gave me a powerful lesson.  I had been in the habit of praying for 30 minutes each morning, to the point that I would check the clock to see if my devotional time was up yet.  During this time, I had been reading about the life of David, in which Satan tempted him to take a census of the army (1 Chronicles 21).  Apparently, David was relying on the army rather than on the Lord for protection. 

During one of my prayer times, the Lord asked me, “Why are you counting the Israelites?”  Apparently, I had also been relying on my own spiritual effort (how many minutes and chapters I prayed and read each day), somehow thinking that translated to God’s blessing in my life. From that point forward, I quit trying to fulfill a spiritual quota to earn his blessing. That was the first time, but certainly not the last,  that I’ve had to learn the difference between grace and self-effort.  

This system of works-based righteousness keeps the carrot just a little bit further away, so repeatedly we fall short, deal with guilt, repent of our weakness and failure, and back to square one we go.  It is a “shampoo, rinse, and repeat” cycle.  Most of us never get off this carousel ride. Maybe if I try again, I will succeed and find joy and peace in life. My spiritual life becomes about my performance and not his finished work. If we pause to evaluate this dilemma, we are frustrated. We believe there must be an escape, but we don’t have the foggiest idea where it is or how to get there.

Shedding the Skeleton

Let’s go back to Abram in Genesis 12. Abram had a promise and a call on his life.  Part of the promise in Genesis 12 was, “I will make you into a great nation,” and another part reads, “All families on earth will be blessed through you.”  I imagine that Abram periodically thought on this promise and likely asked the Lord about it.  Pick up the story with me in Gen. 15:2.

“Oh sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son?  Since you’ve given me no children, Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in my household, will inherit all my wealth.  You have given me no descendants of my own so one of my servants will be my heir”.
Genesis 15:2

God gently corrected Abram and then took him outside to show him his handiwork in the night sky.  Count the stars, Abram, if you can, that’s how many descendants you will have.

In chapter 16, we find Sarai (Abram’s wife) coming up with a “brilliant” idea.  If I may paraphrase her thoughts?

Did you notice that God did not rebuke Abram and Sarai regarding their plan to use Hagar as a surrogate? He did not honor their plan, but neither did he punish them. The natural consequences of their self-reliance would become evident soon enough. He simply continued his plan to bring the Messianic line through Isaac? 

Self-effort seems to be a natural part of the learning process in our spiritual growth. We try and fail, and try and fail again… ad nauseam. But as a benevolent father, he does not chastise us, because this is a normal part of our journey (a bruised reed he will not snuff out).

Bearing Children for Hagar or Sarai

Do you find yourself on a religious treadmill, but God has spoken to you, given you a calling, a vision, a desire for something bigger than your own effort?  Are you driven to fulfill this under your own power, inspiration, or wisdom?  This is a difficult obstacle to overcome because we spend our entire lives relying on our skill and ability to function in a fallen world.  But the very thing which can and does help us in this world proves to be a hindrance in the kingdom of God.  If it’s my power and wisdom, how does his strength fit with my effort, how does his blessing fit in, and most importantly, who receives the glory?

To live as his servants and his children requires great humility and yielding to the work of his Spirit. Living according to my exoskeleton and attempting to fulfill the call and promise of God in our own strength, power, and wisdom is similar to birthing Ishmael. This flesh-born offspring will always oppose that which is born of the Spirit. This is how Paul explains it:

And you, dear brothers and sisters, are children of the promise, just like Isaac. But you are now being persecuted by those who want you to keep the law, just as Ishmael, the child born by human effort, persecuted Isaac, the child born by the power of the Spirit. But what do the Scriptures say about that? “Get rid of the slave and her son, for the son of the slave woman will not share the inheritance with the free woman’s son.”  So, dear brothers and sisters, we are not children of the slave woman; we are children of the free woman.
Galatians 4:28 – 31